FAMILiaritY Breeds Indifference

Austin: This tastes like shit.
Razzle: It IS shit Austin.
Austin: Oh good, I thought it was just me. (Sips from mug) It's a bit nutty.

-- from The Spy Who Shagged Me



All Saints' Day 2004. This must be the first time I did not spend November 1 with my family. Since my grandfather's death in 1992, visiting the cemetery has been a cherished family tradition. We'd go there and pig out on pizza and chicken adobo while playing majong or bingo. It's been fun. It still is, but I feel I need to feed myself new things; to start new traditions. After all, 2005 is only 2 months away and god I can't wait for New Year's Eve!!!

I simply told my family I was attending a birthday celebration, which is a fact. However, I didn't tell them the real reason I didn't want to go with them. The truth is, I didn't want to hear the same stories told over and over (like how it is during "Sunday School") and that I've grown too familiar with them I'm way past being contemptuous. It's become the absence of contempt, or perhaps, the avoidance of it. So for me right now, the family breeds indifference.

Indifference is my new fad. It's my way of zoning out from potentially harmful emotions and thoughts. I don't believe in self-reflection anymore. Just look where it got me.

It's like in that stupid joke about these guys coming across a pile of feces on the road. Guy1 wants to prove that the pile of feces is actually chocolate. Guy2 says it's shit but Guy1 doesn't believe so he dips his finger into the "chocolate" mess and tastes it for himself. Of course it's shit. Moral of the story? Indifference would mean seeing the shit on the ground but not caring to find out if it's chocolate or not. It's just not worth the trouble in most cases, not worth disorienting the senses over. Walk past it or sweep it clean.