On the 3rd Day ...

I realize that one cannot shoot up Heroin on a daily basis without passing out into junkie limbo. I've had 3 straight days of it and for the past two days I've been too exhausted to sleep late. Not that my job of cooking up requires physical tenacity, no, I merely type away the 3-4 documents I have to do and have it proofread before making the final print. Add to that of course, the fact that we went on a client visit on my 2nd day. There was supposed to be an event I had to go to today, but alas, the heroin's still freshly flowing in my blood. It's not like taking the best orgasm you've ever had, multiplying it by a thousand and going somewhere near it. It's work.

I'm not complaining really. I've encountered a lot of people who're less than happy shooting up themselves. People who have a quadrillion times higher the salary I'll be getting in a month. Disgruntled employees are a natural phenomena that cannot be completely eradicated on the basis of their junkie habit. There'll always be complaints, always be excuses to hate the job, always the hungry need to get rid of incompetent superiors and subordinates. As for me, I work alone so it's all just a matter of money. (Let me heat up the skag with a dull spoon ...)

I got to thinking days ago while I was high on smack, how the flight or fight defense mechanism works in human beings in times of crises. More specifically, on the issue of giving up or letting go. Is there really a difference between the two or are they merely seemingly opposite versions yet are essentially the same thing -- the acknowledgement of failure. While "giving up" is generally perceived as a sign of weakness and defeat, "letting go" takes on a more noble stance that exudes strength and emotional realization. Then again, I don't really know for sure and that's why I ask. Like everything else, is this all a matter of perspective too?

Dammit ... I hate using dull needles.