5 Minutes of Fame

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I don't know what made today so different. As you all should know, I wasn't promoted and I'm still in the same company I work for. I've come to terms with the rage (the rage!!!!) that I wasn't good enough for them and have come to accept that I can't blame office politics for the failure that I've been. I actually don't know what keeps me going because last month, oh last month, was sort of a disaster. i've been absent and late and sleeping on the job. It's difficult waking up when you have nothing much to look forward to except an easy job and wonderful friends.

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So, back to the original question. What made today so different? I'm not quite sure. It all started when they got me to help post the updates on each console. Normally, it's a nice reprieve from sitting down taking calls all night. The task was to staple clearbook plastic pages onto the corkboard wall of each cubicle so that update photocopies could be placed in them. Pretty easy but very tedious. And did I mention brainless?

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I dunno. I was there with the supervisors and they were talking stuff about other agents, which of course became hush because I WAS THERE. It just made me sad knowing that had I been promoted, I'd be in this new clique having a different angle on a conversation as compared to what I've been having the past 3 years in the office. It's still fun but it's kinda losing its luster for me. I want something else. I want something more. I don't wanna spend the next year sitting on my ass seeing my life pass me by. I wanna show them they made a big mistake of not promoting me! I want my 5 minutes of fame multiplied by a thousand and they'd get no where near it!

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So there ... a whole year's rant since the last time I posted something on this dwindling adventure. For the first time in 2 years, I'm actually deciding of spending the holidays at home. Last year I spent New Year's alone standing in the middle of the road admiring the fireworks display at Makati Avenue. It didn't feel sad then, but now that I think about it, I remember how I wanted to go home that night but there were no cabs passing through our apartment street. And I recall how I got pissed off with my Mom about it. Sigh.

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I can't go on blaming my Mother for my loserly-ness and I can't blame college for my forked-up career. And I can't blame high school for my Catholic upbringing. Overall, I'm happy to be in this world and regardless of all the whiny stuff that I write down, I 'm still optimistic that I'll be able to make progress this coming year, especially since I'm learning how to take control of my life more. It's just hard when you don't exactly know what you want. It wastes up a lot of energy and time.

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Please Lord, give me more than 5 minutes.

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