3 Month Notice

An eerie stolen shot of Kalidasa playing the sitar...

Last night my half-Indian-Filipino, half-Chinese flatmate and I had a serious conversation about the apartment. He had just come home from celebrating Diwali at a nearby Hindu temple and was paying the price for eating too much spicy food. Being lactose-intolerant, he was coming in and out of the toilet every so often, so our talk wasn't necessarily coherent.

After I ate dinner, we both watched Brothers and Sisters and Ugly Betty on tv and he started telling me how he had a phone call from this company called Agilys and that they were accepting his posted salary range on a job search website. He told me the company's situated in Libis and that it would be too inconvenient to take public transport from our place everyday. He offered me 3 options:

1. He would give me a 3-month notice as soon as Monday and I can choose to go back home to Manila or to go find myself another apartment (or room mate).

2. I can join him in his search for a new place in Cainta (a ride away from where crumpet lives) but definitely somewhere far from his BFF's reach. This segued into a long story about his girl friend who says he's been keeping job opportunities from her, etc. etc.

3. He would most probably move back to their "mansion" in Kawilihan Village where his aunt and 2 cousins lives. It's a sprawling 5-bedroom house with a big garage, a garden, 3 toilets, and nice Indian and European neighbors. He said he'll get the 2-bedroom space in the basement which has a separate entrance from the outside. He said I'd be welcome to live there and can even have crumpet visit often. He'd give me cheaper rent that would include the utilities, a connection to cable tv and might get a helper (courtesy of his Mom). He said he liked that in the 3 years we've lived under the same roof, we rarely got in each other's way. The only downside would be that the mansion isn't as commuter friendly as our current location, and that there would be times when his Mom and/or sister would be staying a few days (perhaps in the upper floors).

I can't decide just yet because I also like to get a clearer picture of where I'd like to be 3 to 5 years from now. Whereas the last 3 years I set aside to cure myself of depression and get myself a crumpet (with much success and gratitude), I want the next 3 years to be focused on keeping what I have and starting out a small business. For some reason I always get stuck when I think about my future. Sometimes it's the despair and hopelessness, sometimes it's the perceived difficulties and financial challenges. I am crippled by fear but inspired by human achievement in spite of it.

Sometimes I just need a hand to hold, a voice to reassure me and say, "Ennui, it's ok if you fuck up. We won't laugh at your humiliation."