Family

One of my aunts is here visiting for 3 days before she leaves for the US.  After being a respected surgeon in one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country, she migrated with a couple of her kids to start a new life abroad in her 50's.  She lives a quiet life now compared to the one she left behind, less materialistic and more religious.  Everytime I see her she invites me to attend a Christian ceremony at her church.  Perhaps one day I may decide to oblige.

Her youngest son has the cutest little boy, born an American citizen.  His Facebook page is now littered with photos of his baby, his workout routines, and hilarious home videos of failed karate stunts.  Somehow I realize, I may never feel that sense of belonging with a family of heterosexual people when they "like" your baby photos or post photos of you and your husband.  I imagine it is a different feeling to find self-acceptance and be accepted by society, than to finding self-acceptance alone.  Everyday babies are born, mine never will.

Everyday people die.  We see it on the news civilians being killed by air raids, children killed by shrapnels.  We read it on Twitter, civilian airplanes being shot down by unfriendly missiles at altitudes not reached by super typhoons.  We read postings of a friend's father's death.  There are many people out there who are still alive yet with my stubborn ego and deflated spirit, I refuse to contact to make the first move, or people I keep talking to even if I realize it won't go anywhere.  There are new people who want to talk to me and add me on digital applications that I do not entertain, people finding relationships, people finding jobs, people on vacations, people with families, people with relatives, people who are still alive.

Sometimes it's tedious enough choosing which social medium to use and how to simplify to avoid the redundancy in order to keep only those things or people that truly matter.  Sometimes I can't decide which of the 2 choices I prefer -- to have a few readers who get me but do not comment, or to have a hundred followers who for a second of their busy lives, find the time to click "like" so that I feel their presence at least.  It is true that an online profile is not an accurate representation of a person's identity, which is probably why I have several.  I try to find the strength in numbers.