From Predisposed to Predisposing

Think: Procrastinating the urge to procrastinate. Think of a paradox that can take organization to a higher level, like Einstein to nuclear physics or Martin Margiela to deconstruction techniques.

As I write this, I have a million jobs pending on my list, however since I am but a gopher and required to delegate my tasks to other people, I have no choice but to wait for them to finish whatever it is they're finishing up on. I've already made 3 separate to-do lists and thrown the old ones. Reminisced about my Kuala Lumpur trip and typed it in the egroup too. My mind's numbing a bit but I tell myself to enjoy these downtimes amidst the stress of deadlines.

And it is here that I've come to a realization -- I am not in control of my life. My desk appears neat, but it's really just a bunch of organized mess.

There are a lot of things I can make do without -- unanswered crossword cutouts from old newspapers, empty folders labeled "Other Files," unlabeled envelopes containing scratch papers that came from the "Other Files" folder, and stuff like that, stuff that don't matter now.

But why do I hold on to them? I guess it's probably because they're not mine to throw away.

And so to the things that I can, I've come to formulate my new New Year's resolution :

Pre-dispose.


Dispose of the garbage I don't need and deal with the stuff that I have before they become "garbage" -- my new percolator, my new shoes, my new clothes, troublesome friends, bad habits, weight gained, recurring dreams; to pre-dispose of what would possibly need disposing.

Am I making any sense?

I need to go through my life and make an inventory, to choose which things I would no longer need 6 months from now. Throw them away before they ever need to be thrown out.

But then again, who could be as future-oriented? In a time of crisis, everyone's keeping a tight grip. Would it be suicidal to let go? Would facing the pain now make it easier to accept the eventual decay of the world?

Perhaps those chain-smoking anorexic models had it right all along : lighter is better.