mercredi, novembre 19, 2008

From Predisposed to Predisposing



Think: Procrastinating the urge to procrastinate. Think of a paradox that can take organization to a higher level, like Einstein to nuclear physics or Martin Margiela to deconstruction techniques.

As I write this, I have a million jobs pending on my list, however since I am but a gopher and required to delegate my tasks to other people, I have no choice but to wait for them to finish whatever it is they're finishing up on. I've already made 3 separate to-do lists and thrown the old ones. Reminisced about my Kuala Lumpur trip and typed it in the egroup too. My mind's numbing a bit but I tell myself to enjoy these downtimes amidst the stress of deadlines.

And it is here that I've come to a realization -- I am not in control of my life. My desk appears neat, but it's really just a bunch of organized mess.

There are a lot of things I can make do without -- unanswered crossword cutouts from old newspapers, empty folders labeled "Other Files," unlabeled envelopes containing scratch papers that came from the "Other Files" folder, and stuff like that, stuff that don't matter now.

But why do I hold on to them? I guess it's probably because they're not mine to throw away.

And so to the things that I can, I've come to formulate my new New Year's resolution :

Pre-dispose.


Dispose of the garbage I don't need and deal with the stuff that I have before they become "garbage" -- my new percolator, my new shoes, my new clothes, troublesome friends, bad habits, weight gained, recurring dreams; to pre-dispose of what would possibly need disposing.

Am I making any sense?

I need to go through my life and make an inventory, to choose which things I would no longer need 6 months from now. Throw them away before they ever need to be thrown out.

But then again, who could be as future-oriented? In a time of crisis, everyone's keeping a tight grip. Would it be suicidal to let go? Would facing the pain now make it easier to accept the eventual decay of the world?

Perhaps those chain-smoking anorexic models had it right all along : lighter is better.



mardi, novembre 11, 2008

A Creepy Halloween Indeed









I know this post is kinda late but I've been greeted by deadlines as soon as I got back to the office. Also, I spent my weekends going home to visit my relatives who'll be going back to the States in a few days.


Moving forward, it was rather unfortunate that November 1 and 2 fell on a Saturday and Sunday, respectively, as I've been hoping to get a 4-day vacation from work (or the lack thereof). My father dropped by from Baguio to celebrate his birthday here in Manila. Consequently, it was also my aunt's birthday. (so he had no choice but to come. Hehe) Anyway, his close friends insisted that our family join them at Fontana Resort in Clark Airbase with the lure of free roundtrip transport. We had to wake up really early to avoid traffic and were in Pampanga by lunch. One of his old friends hadn't seen me since I was like, 10, and quickly remarked how much I've grown and if I'm gonna get married soon. *cringe*



In a very spaceous living room (of a 2 bedroom cottage) we had a sumptuous lunch -- grilled pork barbecue, tenderloin steak, seasoned milk fish, sinigang na sugpo, quiquiam, and pancit Malabon. I was so full!! They had cable TV there but the host's family was watching local shows, i.e. Wowowee. I took a tour of the cottage -- 1 big bathroom, a quaint kitchen, a yard in the back, a garage, maid's quarters, centralized airconditioning -- not bad considering the cottage was being rented out at around P18 thou a night I think (for non-members). Besides, there were 3 families occupying the space so it was pretty reasonable (for them).



With us was Tita Doris and her husbad Tito William, Tito Richard and his friend, whom I forget. Let's call him Silas. Me and Silas were schoolmates, though he graduated 2 decades before me. He was being "chummy" and asking stuff like if I still know how to speak Mandarin, or if I still kept in touch with my batchmates, or if I go to the Xavier reunions and sh*t every year. U-g-h. I know he was trying to be friendly but honestly, highschool and marriage are 2 things I never talk about with strangers. Plus he kept calling me by my real name, which was annoying. Everyone knows my name is Sassy. Hehehe

Tita Doris, my Mom, my sisters and I went to the duty free shops around the vicinity (shopping!!). There was really nothing nice to buy, except maybe imported stuff you won't normally find in groceries. All I bought was a roach spray, 2 bags of dark chocolate Snickers, and gas relief tablets. My sisters bought lotsa junkfood and Tita Doris bought xmas giveaways for her employees. The rest stayed behind with the hosts and their family. We went to the clubhouse to have a look around. Going to the poolside, you had to pass by the locker rooms and sauna. As such, the 4 women went through the ladies' room and I through the men's room. Needless to say, I was shocked when 2 naked Koreans went walking around the lockers. Yeah that was pretty shocking because they were semi-obese.



On a side note, that day at Fontana we weren't able to see the Ms. Earth contestants. They were supposed to have been poolside for their swimsuit competition. Ho-hum ...


We got back around 6pm and already it was dinner time. The group decided to eat at the clubhouse where we were greeted by spastic waiters and 3 lounge singers who sang in Mandarin. The 2 ladies were Filipino but you would only notice that because they didn't look Chinese. Our dinner took a while to serve and some of us didn't have spoons or forks, not even chopsticks. It was crazy. The food was expensive, and I'd say I've had better.


After the hosts took the bill (to Tito Richard's dismay), we went to the pool area to grab some air. Silas commented to my Mom something like, "Magandang lalaki ang anak mo," which means something like, "I'm an old married man with kids but I like your son because he's a beautiful boy."

I noticed him inching his way towards me at the pool so I deliberately walked really fast, skewing away from him and his evil plot.

The night was cool and refreshing and I sauntered around the pool to avoid opening a window for conversation. Aside from the big olympic-size pool on the ground floor, there were 2 kiddie pools on the upper level (because the complex was like a man-made crater lake) and a pool with a bar. There was a pond on the nether-end beside the road with a sculpted backdrop made of rough cement. It kinda looked like a batcave.


We went back to the cottage where the host's family was. We said our thank you's and our goodbyes and went on our way. This time, I made sure I sat at the back beside my sisters. My Dad was the unfortunate victim of the night and had to sit beside Silas. They talked in Fuquien so I couldn't make out what they were talking about. I fell asleep parts of the way. I was imagining Clark at night was like me back in gay Bangkok.


My sister nudged gigglingly at me and pointed at my Dad (who was already asleep then) and it was funny because Silas was sitting so close to him when he had almost the whole seat to himself. After the trip, my sister commented on this to my Dad, and my Dad said,



"Oo, may pagka-silahis nga ata yun eh."



(Yes my child, he came from an all-boys school.)