Mr. Smithers

The other shirt looked a little tight on you.

Ok so it was a bit sneaky of me to try and squeeze four sausages in one tin can, but hey, so far the past few packages weren't satisfying.  Since the fickle-minded one backed out, at least I accomplished a trifecta with you;  well, not really a trifecta because you measured up.

To be honest, I was quite surprised with you, Mr. Smithers, because during our exchanges you weren't so open about yourself.  I mean, okay, you like watching reruns of Modern Family and so do I ... and then what?  There was no fire, no adjectival story-telling to catch my interest.  Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that you missed talking to me that day after we first met (on our phones).  It was nice to meet you, and your 'friend' too. 

I knew you're the quiet type, the kind of person who has so many restrictions on food (because of your condition) and cocksmanship (because of your strict no-backdoor policy).  But my was I surprised with you Mr. Smithers!  I'd say you are one of the more practised people I've met, and definitely one of the most hygienic.  (Of course I had to force you into taking a bath even if you had just come from a spa).

Truth be told, you are undeniably boring in person and I apologize for being blunt behind your back.  Like someone I've met a few times before, yours is also like water and it's not as enjoyable for Mr. Burns.  However, I would still douse the fire during a drought.