Becuase sometimes I just want to go away

I think even he felt my emptiness.

Again I feel lost at sea.  This blueness that surrounds my life seems to have no destination in sight.  I don't know how to help myself and I am getting tired.  I pray, I go to church to find guidance;  just when I think I find it, it disappears again.  The people I'm close to are slowly drifting away.  Maybe it's my fault, maybe it's just life.  I am afraid to speak what I truly feel knowing it might become real, but I think it already is real and I am in denial.  I don't wanna die sad like this. Or sometime I finally get my shit together and THEN I die. I don't want my life to be a stupid irony like that.  So help me God.