Rizal 101

The beacon to my learning curve hopefully

I admit it was a bit extravagant given my idle circumstances, however from past experience I knew it was the right thing to do if I didn't want to be reminded of my mediocre choices.  I didn't want to play host to a parasite; I was just a cell in need of mitosis.

You reminded me of how it was to be in college again, worrying only about my allowance and attending church the next day.  You were someone I never was when I was your age, shy yet daring, soft yet hard, young yet experienced.  I can't remember the last time I had an encounter with anyone that intimate and casual at the same time.  You knew what you were doing, yet you've kept your sweetness and naivete.  We took our time and I really appreciated that.

I'll try not to hurt you nor give you false hopes because I know for a fact this won't go anywhere.  But before that day comes, let me bask in the attention you give me.  Let me dwell with the ease with which you put in me, the hurt I willingly submit to as I exhale deeper and deeper, the way you look at me when you know I'm not looking.  

The window blinds are closed, but I do not hear the cars rushing through the skyway on the way to the airport.  I am not reminded of my yet unconfirmed trip in Novemeber and all the tantrums that surround it.  I do not see the stoplights at midnight while the buses thrust their way toward the south.  For now I am not worried about losing the apartment soon and losing my false independence.  I do not think of future appointments trying to communicate with me while I'm offline, nor do I care so much about friends who can't say sorry for the sake of old friendship.  No.  I only feel our individual pulses in that area that tells me we are bonded.  I only focus on you.  I let myself arrive earlier, my first time in that manner, and for once I do not feel like I faked it.  

If I were studying Rizal today, things would've been different.  But for now, you have to stay in school and I have to stop pretending things are okay.