I suddenly realized ...
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I'm sick of my family. I don't hate them but I don't feel love for them anymore.
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It's not sad, it doesn't make me want to cry. There's no emotion. It's like the way I automatically delete my father's forwarded messages (and the LOT of them in a day!), like the way I dislike how my mother follows up on what time I go home, or the way I get so pissed off when my sister always corrupts her important documents and spreadsheets, or the way my youngest sister annoys the hell out of me whenever she uses my slippers and eats junk food in my room.
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Ok, I take it back.. I am FULL of emotion but I refuse to carry them out. I'm settling for indifference than anger or hatred toward them. It's not worth it. I know I'll come back to my senses and find out how or why I'm wrong. Perhaps I'm simply an ungrateful bastard of a son who keeps everything secret. Perhaps I'm just one of those naturally rebellious people who feel unloved.
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Why the fuck does it take so long?
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ennui wrote the 1st faint line @ 5/17/2005 10:09:00 PM
8 Truths:
i went through this phase once, in college. you remember me cursing the hell out of my father :) now my dad and i almost get along. it passes, you'll see.
Well, I was in a similar situation once, and I ended up in a different country, thousands of miles away from those who I loved but I could not show how much I loved them.
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sometimes i think these things take long precisely because we avoid dealing with them the way we should...
i'm sending you a gigantic hug, sweetie.
i'm always open for rants and counseling.Ü
ditto, mussolini. my mom and i actually talk, now. and you, ennui, will find your middle ground.
you need to move out.
mussolini - so what did u do (or what did he do) that made u seal the gap?
blex - i feel like i need to distance myself physically to know what i'm missing. too much FAMILiaritY perhaps ...
rain - thanks for the hug. i do need one these days. a gigantic, interplanetary type of hug.
transience - quizas quizas quizas
jax - yeah we never run out of second chances as long as we're physically alive i guess
paningit - ABSO-FUCKIN-LUTELY. I resolve to do that when I save enough money to keep myself alive, hypothetically, if in case I lose my job. I'll rant in your blog when that happens.
"I blame paningit. He had this brilliant idea of me moving out."
hehe
rants are always fucking welcome over at my place. and yeah, blame me. it's a lot better than blaming the cheese. heh.
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