I don't know which is worse

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My phone line was meant to be cut off. On the day I decided to pay the partial amount, from 5 months' worth of phone bills, my mobile got disconnected. It turns out, the person I had tasked to bring the money to the bank slept thru the day and severed my communication with the outside world. It's perfect timing really coz the next day I was supposed to meet up with my friends to go eat in this hole-in-the-wall Italian casa di pasta in Malate. That evening while eating the first of 3 slices of pizza, a sort of team building activity promoted by the office among all teams, my friend called me up to tell me that the dinner plan was cancelled but we could go hang out in the nearby mall. I was happy to hear that because I was trying my best not to spend too much for the coming weeks. Of course, that didn't happen, no, not in a posh malling district from where I work in.

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Since she told me she'd take a good 50 minutes getting there because of the traffic, I decided to buy myself some ciggies, got just in time to get them in the grocery where the mall was already closing. I didn't know she was trying to call me the whole time, and since I didn't have any means to reply or call back, I didn't know she's get all pissed off about it. I'm not a bad person and I know how frustrating it can get when you try to call someone on mobile and not get answered. Apparently, the vibration is not strong enough to alert me and it's a thing of mine to always switch my phone to silent mode when I'm in a public place. I'm just mortified when my phone starts ringing and I'm inside the train or bus. I dunno, I just don't like it.

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We didn't order anything because she wanted to eat dinner. Red meat dinner. I, on the other hand, had 3 slices of pizza and a small cup of Pepsi, I wasn't in the mood to eat anything more. She was obviously pissed.

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"So ... I'm gonna be eating alone?"

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"No, I'll order something."

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I suggested we go to this Persian/Mediterranean resto on the 2nd floor. She had pepper steak and I had Greek salad. She couldn't help it, she was conspicuously preoccupied with her being pissed off at me. She immediately told me about the missed calls, she had me swear to make sure I'm gonna be answering her calls if I continue to put my phone on silent mode. I said yes but of course, I didn't promise anything. I'd rather her get pissed at me than be embarrassed. That's just me. After all was said and done, she proceeded to pull out a bunch of receipts from her back. I mean A BUNCH. It was so thoughtful really and I appreciate it. (I use the receipts to reimburse my food and transport allowance). After that, she talked about her cabbage soup diet. She ate fruits for Monday, veggies on Tuesday, fruits and veggies on Wednesday, milk and bananas on Thursday, and for Friday, all the red meat she can muster! She had 3 steaks that day and was firmly resolved that for her, medium rare was the way to go. I chuckled while I forked up a parcel of feta from my bowl.

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We transferred to Bizu, which is a posh little dessert place. We talked outside while I nibbled on my raspberry-inspired cheesecake called Babylon.

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She then proceeded to comment on how she's never seen me clean-shaven, how I always ask her on night outs if it's gonna be only the 2 of us going out, how I keep telling her I want some excitement in my life but I never try anything new, how getting into a relationship isn't gonna solve my problems ... I retreated to my Babylon, my mind furiously analyzing my troubles and unearthing some of those doubts I've been keeping to myself; just a little bit close (try imagining me doing that thing with my hand where I'm estimating the tiny distance between my thumb and my forefinger, as if I were holding an AAA battery between my fingers) to reaching despair.

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Of course I didn't. I simply have to do things my way.

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On the way home right before she got down from the cab, she said she wanted to cancel our casa di pasta dinner the next night. Too much of pms getting her bitchy. I said ok and gave her a hug. I know she means well and I really appreciate it and all, but I just can't deal with mood swings. I have my father to thank for that. The thing is, I don't know if if it's true her menstrual syndrome makes her act up or if it's just the familiarity making us realize how different we both are despite all the things that we have in common.

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I don't know which is worse.

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