New Couch, New Shoes

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The couch I bought finally arrived last Dec. 29. I bought it at the last minute, at the height of the christmas shopping rush (and the relentless nagging of my "housewife" roommate ex-guru). Compared to the tangerine-apricot color he was telling me to get just so we'd have a couch to sit on, I got an off-white one which fit the color scheme better. Yes it's a color that would get dirty easily, but hey, I'd rather that than mint green or green blue, or some other weird color that doesn't sell well. I was supposed to get a brown quasi-corduroy type of couch that had a matching mini ottoman and 2 throw pillows at 500 bucks less the price of the fake leather one, but my good friend advised me that cloth would be harder to clean and would accumulate more dust. So there, I bought the off-white couch and 2 separate box-looking ottoman in beige. They had it delivered a week after because of consumer traffic. So on the morning of Dec 29, the landlord woke me up saying there was a delivery. They had to unscrew the locks and the door knob just to get the couch through the door. I gave a large tip since it was christmas and all (to which I kinda regret).

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Ninjato dropped by after I took out the plastics and prepared my breakfast at 1:30pm. It was his birthday the day before and Dec 29's my sister's birthday so I texted her and asked her what she wanted for present. The ninja dude and I talked for more than an hour, he, enjoying the couch that just came in minutes before. The electricity went off and at an awful time when I needed to use the restroom. I took out a candle and did my thing. Of course, like with all things, the universe again demonstrated to me its knack for mockery and timing. As I had predicted, my roommte came out because he couldn't sleep and he met my friend. Not that there was anything wrong with it, I just hate it that I wasn't physically present to introduce them to each other. Blame the pineapple slices I heartily ate the other day. For the past 3 days I've been seriously loading up on my veggies and fruits. I had to use the restroom 4 times that day ... sheesh ...

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Anyway, my roomie said something like, "Thank God you already got the furniture!!! I was beginning to think you were never gonna get them!!!" and then proceeded with, "Ok so now just buy the screws for the table and then maybe 4 small stools around this height (demonstrates the measure from his lowered palm toward the floor). They're not that expensive."

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When will the hurting stop??

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Ninjato and I then left for the mall, not because I wanted to avoid my nagging roommate, but because I wanted to get myself a new pair of shoes by donating my old ones. The place was jampacked and everyone was shopping like crazy! I got myself a new pair of black-brown shoes which I plan to wear for the New Year's celebration, along with a new pair of jeans I bought on sale today and a new long sleeve shirt that'll keep me warm in the office. (Can't wait to party tomorrow!!!)

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It was already around 8pm when I finally caught up with Toper. We ate at Kentucky's. I had a 2-piece hot n' crispy chicken meal while he had a 1-piece chicken meal with mashed potato and extra rice. It was nice and I wasn't too conscious if I had his legs clasped unto mine. We walked around a bit afterwards because I felt bloated. It was nice. He would put his arm on my shoulder or pinch my lanky arm when he felt like it. We sit down on the comfy couches of Starbucks in Shangri-la mall while I sip on my Christmas blend coffee, and he, his Tazo mint. We were like kids really, mocking each other while making me realize even more how special this person is and why I think my search is nearing its conclusion. He asked me why I was so self-conscious, why I didn't bring my cigarettes. He just wanted me to be myself and it felt amazing.

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He had to leave early, having to join his family to go to the province. I was there on the couch, half-asleep but half-smiling. I slipped my little note on his back pocket on his way out. My home never looked so new Ü

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Faerie Tales

The Wolves


A pack of wolves, they had said
affronting the demise of attractiveness.
She pursued, determined and deaf
to the advice she didn't seek to find
that beyond the sulking forest life
hid the death of her curious ills.
She had nothing to protect herself with
except her nagging persistence,
a red riding hood that made her
invisible to her own wounds.

With each little step, the forest grew darker,
the bark and skins became hardened amber,
the leaves became green and jaded.
There was a frightening howl from the inside
she heard this from across the path
like ghosts circumventing the heart of graveyards.
Her way forked into not just two paths, but four,
each way representing the call to elements --
life, money, career, and love --
split before her like four suits to a deck of cards,
where, to pick one card would mean
to deal with the whole pack.

And on this nook she had been
affronted by a pack of wolves.
They had said too much
to the ill demise of her naivete.

The Rabbits

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There the rabbit went thru the rabbit hole again
running off with the time, running off from her.
Alice thought to follow him, to squeeze herself
into a shrine she thought would mean a way out.
Instead, she found herself with other rabbits,
all running away, their clocks ticking in circles,
their feet thumping like small fickle hearts.

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With her slender legs, she walked purposefully
inquiring, drinking through parties, meeting
strange friends and dancing with flowers.
Hardly had she eaten, she already grew so tall
but the little girl inside had no breasts
and her hair and body spoke of frustration.
Inside her womb was a child that'll never be born,
hiding its love and kicking slightly on the walls
as if to wake their mother up into a dash.

She had been running from herself, her soul
crumbling like dried cake, "eat me" it said.
The rabbits started to question her but she
hadn't the time to answer. She was lost again.

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It was always time to go somewhere, not much
of the day left behind. She would crawl her way
to hide from monsters: a queen that held her head,
a smile from a headless animal, her home
on the other side of the looking glass.
In this hole, the trees would extend their roots
and grapple on her hands the way she held time

like a missing father.

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Soon, the flowers and cards would riddle her name
Alice, in separate syllables, like animals that feed on
her scalp; she, like a tiny human with claws,

clutching onto a strand of hair before it gets cut.

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In a room without stars ...

Originally written August 15, 2005

In a room without stars, without

the time telling us when to go ...

this had become my home.

I had no right to stay, never

knowing when to say farewell

to the clothes of our agreement.

Perhaps it had been easier for you

to wear yourself out with my attention.

I remember grazing naked over the plains,

the landscape slender like your abdomen, with

a hint of shrubbery where the seeds

had been sown before daylight.

I remember hearing the hoeing of rain

outside in the distant hallway, where

the sun kept thrusting its torpid rays

inside the throes of a dense calm.

Not here, not where I thought

the void had been filled with stars,

the memory of your scent rubbing off

with the pretense of your breathing.

I remember myself without guilt,

enthralled by the death of my egregiousness.

Don't you miss this thing of beauty,

a heart beating without a chest?

A body walking without a head?

I could not find any other purpose

as mild as an untamed beast, yet milder

than its incorrigible tamer.

I once had your arms to house me,

the foundations of a room without stars.

Or had they been my own arms,

desperately holding onto the gutters

of the roof I had built over myself?

The first and the last, the compromises,

took two days too easy to forget.

I continued to walk the road alone

still trapped inside your room, or me,

trapped in my own disillusionment.

Would I have had the right to leave, when
now that I'm in my own room,
I realize I hadn't been guided accordingly?

I lit the sky with a perfect match

and pretended forgetting I miss it so badly.

I faked being intimate with the stars

and I don't feel shame for having done it.

Words for Wisdom

. . . Said one Born-again Christian to a Nigerian mail-order bride scammer ... . . "Work is a reflection of who we are -- going through life walking in and out of jobs -- this is a reflection of our failure to commit to anything." . "Failure is the true essence of things not seen or heard but a reflection of the heart. If we say something and yet there are no works, we have no faith." . . To which the bride-wannabe replied ... . "Honey pls send me the money now my love." . . . . Said one woman to another: . . "Don't let the fear of striking out stop you from playing the game." . ... and continued: . "Happiness is a choice. I must not let it be in the hands of other people because for as long as it is in mine, happiness will always be within my reach." . . .