Love Ridden

"No, not "baby" anymore,
if I need you I'll just use your simple name
Only kisses on the cheek from now on
And in a little while, we'll only have to wave"

-- Love Ridden by Fiona Apple



I postponed a decision-making process that shall have become a crucial turning point in my young adult life as a struggling dilletante. It was raining outside and technically, since today IS a national holiday, I opted to stay home and procrastinate. After all, I'm still hoping for the best for my job even if it painfully means letting go of shopping caprices and cd/dvd adventures. A sad way to live but with such promise for a fledgling pseudo-European magazine publishing company, the thought of growth gives me warm hiccup measures in my diaphragm.

God I miss those menthol Davidoffs Nikita brought with her at M. There was no hint of trachaeal hoarseness with every drag. It was like sipping air from a paper straw. Effortless. The green Gudang kreteks I brought were good too. Very light and aromatic. I could use one of those right now if simply to prolong the ambience of rain on my window, the crisp gushes of wind entering my musty room, my thoughts lingering into outer space, dreaming of the elusive radiance revolving around one entity. It's so vivid sometimes it's like I'm touching the fingertips of the unguarded firmament.

I realize now how much I'm holding on to my dreams again and how it's time I should learn to let go. But I just can't.


Oh well ...


To keep me company in these, my reflective hours, I unearthed several CDs I haven't listened to in a while. These were:

1. The Zombies, Best of - She's Not There, Time of the Season, Summertime, Going Out of My Head, I Got My Mojo Working are some of the memorable hits.

2. Kaleidoscope World by Swing Out Sister - The instrumental takes are to DIE for -- Forever Blue, Precious Words, Coney Island Man, Masquerade.

3. Paula Cole, This Fire - Tiger, Nietzsche's Eyes, ME, Carmen (my favorite)

4. Excerpts, Lisa Stansfield - The Real Thing & Never Never Gonna Give You Up (A Barry White original done with justice)



After that, I checked my newly purchased dvds for anomalies. These were:

1. Umberto D. - An Italian film about a senior citizen on hard times in post-war Europe. Seems very interesting and emotional.

2. Splash - Yes. I bought this 80's favorite featuring Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah. For kicks.

3. VH1 Story Tellers feat. Sarah McLachlan - Absorbing. She was so beautiful with her simple make-up and pixie hairdo; her voice equally haunting and mesmerizing. She sung "Elsewhere" with Paula Cole, one of my favorite songs in her Fumbling album.
I really wanna see her perform live. It would be nothing short of spiritual for a kindred Aquarian.

4. Tori Amos in Florida - She's so eccentric, I couldn't help but be drawn. Her rendition of "Professional Widow" was so full of energy, yet with a candid play of restraint. I was awe-struck, shouting in my mind how talented she is. It makes me want to play the piano again. Buy one if I have to.

5. Bjork at the Royal Opera House - She's so quirky, I couldn't help but be drawn. It's her concert for Vespertine. The set was very simple, the costumes remarkably avant-garde, and the instruments were unconventional. I was hoping to find her MTV Unplugged video though.

6. Janet Jackson's videos - I bought this just for one song/video in particular -- Got Til It's Gone with Q-Tip. It's my favorite; Very political, very poignant and undeniably sexy. It's the "tolerable" type of hiphop for me.


I forgot to tell ye all how on the way home from the Cafe, the taxi we rode on didn't have a radio. Well, it's typical me to be unpredictable. I started singing. Cornflake Girl. Love Ridden. Sullen Girl. It's hilarious now that I think about it. The taxi driver man must've thought I was insane.

When I got home, I couldn't quite fall asleep even if I had a slight headache. I turned off the lights and lay down on my bed. I started talking to myself, to the room, to the ceiling, to non-existent people. I don't really remember much of what I was saying.


I'm so silly sometimes, but being silly is good for me.