waning oceans ...

Slow travel over the oceans before the light begins to wane ...





"the tides fly off like moonlight dreams
and memory forgets that it forgets
remembrance is foretold by absent waves
gentling fading shores, mocking with temerity
the never-ever ideologies of water
immersed in sould
and soul is immersed in fire --
glorious flames borne out of
waning oceans."

-- waning oceans written by her



Yesterday I met up with my posse just to get out of the house. I wanted to see people, to experience life. When I got back to our seat with an order of coffee, my two friends were very quiet. Then one of them walked out, walked away and rode a cab. I didn't want to ruin my night so I tried my best to converse even if meant being a bit intrusive and knowing wtf just happened.

We talked till 2:30am and my day/night had been restored.

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It seems I've become an emotion junkie. It's not about being hooked on just 1 emotion but on the whole spectrum that life has to offer. Fear, doubt, resilience, mania, invincibility, pride, emptiness, pulchritude, urgency, malevolence, vindication ...

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I read through a lot of other blogs when I'm online (like all of you do) and I guess you're all familiar with the feeling that you know what these people are going through, that you were once in the same situation dealing with it your own way. You'd comment if you know the comment helps (and it usually does). It's amazing how sometimes the situation is the same for all of us. You'd think you're alone, but in reality, everyone's going through the same thing.

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"oceans never really wane, but memories do. there are some memories which serve their purpose when we let go of them. yet in some cases, some very special people are best held on to. sometimes, for some people, memories are treasures, because sometimes, memores are all we have."



While this day would formally mark the last of 2004 for me (not because I'm celebrating the Chinese New Year or anything), I'm allowing myself to breathe a sigh of relief for the year that was. Had I chosen to completely abandon myself on top of a building or with a bottle of pharmaceutical painkillers while playing Karen Carpenter's "End of the World", I would'nt have lived to experience all the beautiful things, known all you beautiful friends, learned several new things since I started writing on this new blog. It makes me hopeful that a lot more will come my way. It makes me hopeful that I can still lose sight of the shore and enjoy the journey again like I was 25 years old once more.