Before and After

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Okay so I went through a bit of an image overhaul the past year and my life has changed for the better. The theory that changing the way you look changes the way you feel about yourself does hold some bearing. But of course, it doesn't solve everything, and deep down I know that although I've underwent from XL to M, there are still some things about me that have remained the same size. I can't really go into detail right now because a lot of it is what others observe of me and hence with this new adventure, I'm limited to what other people perceive and my awareness or denial of its existence in my life.
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Just recently, my crumpet asked me why I'm so pessimistic. I don't really know. I used to be this bubbly (pun intended) guy who always looked at the bright side of everything, who knew he could take on any challenge and rise to the occasion. I don't know where that guy went. Perhaps the loss of wishy-washy idealism left him only soap suds of hopes and dreams, in his mind, a before and after snapshot that only causes him to get more depressed the more time passes him by.
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I'm not depressed, but I do feel some sort of urgency, a need to hurry up and leave the excess baggage behind. After all, travel should be lighter losing all that weight, the foreign immigration would agree. But somehow, I'm still holding on to my past, fearing the new future that has opened up. I'm 27 nearing 30 and still working rank and file, earning enough to get me through rent and the bills. No credit card, no checking account or time deposit or insurance or pension plans.
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But I do have my life, my freedom, my options, my health (for now), and someone who loves me for who I am (or who I've become) ... most of the things I've aimed at achieving the past year. I have taken on the challenges and came through. Maybe I am optimistic, just need to believe it again ...
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